Stating The Obvious...

Everyone knows men and women are different in countless ways.  Thousands of books have been written about the subject... and frankly, I'm not sure why.  Why is it necessary for us to completely understand the opposite gender?  Why is it necessary for it to be explained why I think Monty Python is funny and my wife doesn't crack a smile?  Why do I need to understand why my wife loves a pedicure and, when given the opportunity to get one, I found it odd to have someone messing with my feet for 40 minutes?  Do we care why a Cosmo is a girlie drink and why men, for the most part, drink beer?

I think people trying so damn hard to explain and understand our differences is more about selling books than fixing problems.  We're different and we need to deal with it... I'm never going to find it important to check the thread count on sheets and my wife will never go ice fishing with me.  If these are deal breakers, we have a problem.  

Below is an outtake from a shoot I recently did for a resort in the Bahamas.  It illustrates my point better than words ever could.  I picked up a couple great Cuban cigars for this shot... look at the male and female reactions to the same experience.  

In short, I say embrace the differences.  I, for one, am very happy my wife doesn't drop the "F" bomb as much as I do... or wear ripped t-shirts... or have to shave her back.  And if I had to guess, my wife is pretty happy I don't cry at movies or watch Oprah.  She has girlfriends for those things. 

The Absence Of Cute & Fuzzy...

I've lived here in South Florida for almost 20 years.  And while I have seen my share of the scaly, wrinkled, shuffling creatures living here... they're usually standing in front of me at Publix (plucking the exact change out of a coin purse).  However, on a recent tech scout, I realized how much Florida seems to be lacking in the "cute and fuzzy" department.

As I walked around, everywhere I looked something green crawled or slithered.  Hooded lizards ran past me on their hind legs, looking like half-sized extras from Jurassic Park.  Countless small geccos (we've all seen them) were underfoot everywhere.  Day-glo green Cuban lizards peeked from under their camouflage of foliage.  The ever-present alligators...only their eyes and nostrils visible above the surface of the lake.  I even took a photo of the most bad-ass iguana I've ever seen... 

I grew up in New Hampshire.  We had cute and fuzzy to spare... chipmunks, cheeks full of acorns... grey squirrels hanging upside-down to better raid the bird feeder... red squirrels, peeking from the eye-hole of your Halloween Jack-O-Lantern, gorging itself on the pumpkin from the inside-out.  Even the Gund-like fisher cat is so cute you almost forget it wants to eat your face off.

I know someone is going to mention that Florida has raccoons... stating undeniable cuteness and fuzziness.  I beg to differ.  In Florida, a raccoon will hit you over the head with a two-by-four as you take your trash to the curb, then run away laughing... trash bags flung over it's cute and fuzzy shoulder.  As you lay there, rubbing your head... you will see it flip you the middle finger of it's human-like, cute and fuzzy hand.  It will then dig through your bags, eat what it can find... then bring the rest of the trash back to throw all over your front yard.  Nothing is cute about a Florida raccoon.  And they have rabies.

I think we all need a little "cute and fuzzy" every now and then... it puts a smile on our face.  When's the last time you smiled when you saw an armadillo or a turkey buzzard?  In the meantime, I just found my new screensaver.

Effin Obnoxious...

You know what I find insufferable?... photographers' blogs.  Does anyone really care about a shooter's "big shoot in Hong Kong", for a "world renown, international client?"... or the time he/she was "surrounded by poisonous snakes in Bangladesh... thank God we were rescued by Richard Branson in his private jet! (and I got to sit next to Angelina Jolie)"

I just threw-up in my mouth a little.

Who is impressed with this drivel?  These anecdotes don't make you a better photographer... the "glamorous" back-story to the image doesn't make a shitty shot any prettier.  Maybe I'm an asshole (OK, I'm definitely an asshole), but does anyone give a shit about a photographer's breakfast meeting with the Pope, private helicopter lessons or his 4,000 square foot vacation home on Lake Cuomo?  It's bragging... and for me, it goes down as smooth as the AIG bonus package.

Look... virtually every photographer on the planet is a working stiff (or, maybe misery really does enjoy company and I'm projecting).  I, for one, spend more time looking for work... and worrying about not having any work, than I do actually working.  This is not by choice, it's just working out that way.  I have a wife and kids (who hemorrhage money), a mortgage, insurance, car payments, dental bills, college tuition... etc.  I'm GI Joe Average... complete with detachable ego and check-book grip.

For those of you impressed with the perception of photographers as "rock stars"... here's a shot of me flying home on the private corporate jet of one of my clients.  The truth being that it would have flown whether or not I was on it... my XL ass occupying a seat saved the client the expense of a return coach ticket (and a $3.00 SmartCart rental at MIA).

My reality is more "pedestrian".  Below you will see photos of my transportation to a remote shoot I did last summer... as well as my accommodations.  The "aircraft", while appearing slick and burnished on the exterior, was held together with faux-wood paneling, sheetrock screws and duct tape on the inside.  Our septuagenarian pilot, coverall clad and smelling of goats, informed us he'd just completed an engine swap and was anxious to "try her out".  His hands were still covered in grease.  Obviously, as I am currently writing this, we landed safely on a lake near the location and were transported via the client's 1982 Jeep Cherokee to our accommodations... effectively, The Bates Motel.  

Is anyone jealous yet?

 

 

Good Ideas, Bad Ideas and the Economy...

OK... to be honest, the images below are just a loosely related vehicle to get you to read the following excerpt a friend and colleague forwarded to me. The images are meant to illustrate "Good Ideas vs Bad Ideas"...in this case, good and bad ideas about dealing with current economic news. Kevin, a close friend and the subject in these photos, will admit to having lots of both (good and bad ideas, that is... although given the photographic proof, he'd be hard pressed to deny it, wouldn't he?).

The original article was printed in New York magazine and titled "Pessimism Porn". The excerpt below was written by Gordon Kaye, commenting on the aforementioned article, and published in Graphic Design USA. I think the advertising/photography industry would be wise to follow Gordon's advise.

"New York Magazine recently published a brilliant article called "Pessimism Porn", capturing the growing national obsession with surfing the net, lusting after bad economic news. Everyone has their favorite source to satisfy the not-so-secret desire to ogle market volatility, mass layoffs, salary cuts, home foreclosures, plant closings, tax cheats, Ponzi schemes, celebrity bankruptcies, and the like. It hurts so good, and I am as addicted as anyone. In recent days, though, a nagging doubt arises: Could it be that pessimism porn is not merely a guilty pleasure, but an affirmative cause of economic pain? Remember, this is the first recession played out in a totally plugged in, completely connected, 24/7 new cycle age, and the flood of information is as unprecedented as it is overwhelming. Before writing this idea off as crazy talk, consider that our collective fetish for finding and spreading negative news accelerates panic and uncertainty, undermines confidence and blunts action. It is not a healthy pattern for self or society, and I want out. So here is my plan: Avoid business news as much as possible. Resist the temptation to gossip (even if yet another Cabinet member turns out to owe back taxes). Take cold showers as needed. Find at least one bit of good economic news every day and share it with a friend, colleague or loved one."

Amen to that!... OK, so here's some good economic news... the "Beer of the Month Club" has at least one new subscriber. So all of you potential clients saving your "photo dollars" for a rainy day... open up those wallets... we can celebrate a successful shoot afterwards with some cold beer.

Just A Good Ole' Boy...

I was recently on a shoot for the Algonquin Hotel in NYC. It's a cool, boutique hotel with a lot of history. It's only a few blocks from John's Pizza, which in and of itself made it a great shoot. Free cocktails in the hotel lounge didn't hurt matters.

Last minute, we were asked by the hotel to shoot a portrait of one of their upcoming entertainers... Tom Wopat. Holy Mopar!... LUKE DUKE!!! This was awesome! I grew up in the 80's... I'm a much bigger fan of Tom Wopat than Tom Cruise.

To give Tom his due, his role as Luke is probably the least impressive line on his resume. His credits also include a tour in the US Marines, a stint as a boxer, a Tony nomination, 8 albums and countless Broadway performances. He also happens to be a really, really nice guy. Lastly, at 57, he looks like he could still slide across the hood of a '69 Charger with little effort... and has a full head of hair (Bastard!).

All this having been said, I got to do something that Boss Hogg and Rosco P. Coltrane never did in six years of trying. Yup... I shot a Duke boy.

How do you keep a Creative Director happy?

Well, I guess as a photographer I'm supposed to say stuff like, "team player", or "no problem", or "Extra shot?... Sure we have time for an extra shot." In addition, good production capabilities, fantastic crews, good caterers, etc. are all key. It also doesn't hurt, occasionally, to pop off a great shot or two... or slightly more than occasionally if you're looking for repeat business.

However, I found that stashing a bottle of great bourbon, a box of shortbread cookies and a bar of chocolate in the car, can come in mighty handy when looking to keep a Creative Director happy. I found this out completely by accident... but am happy to share.

Holy Fathead!!!

Wow... the disadvantage of being behind the camera, is you rarely get to see photos of yourself. I took this shot of myself with my arm extended (I'm the guy on the left) while on a shoot in Newport Beach. Looking at it now, I can't believe how fat my head is! I never used to be this fat... when did it happen? Why did I not notice it when looking in the mirror? Holy shit!

One of my favorite TV shows is Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. He's the guy that eats lips and assholes for our viewing pleasure. I love this show, and my resemblance to him did not escape me as I watched him chow down on bugs and chicken uterus. However, when watching, I always thought to myself... "Sure, we look alike... but man does he have a fat head!". Now, putting our photos together, I make him look downright anorexic. He needs to eat a truckload of toe jam and rotting melon to get a head as fat as mine!

Time for a diet.